Best of Both Worlds
It's also so crucial that I mention how much more comfortable and confident I feel heading into this year versus last but I am wondering how many years of experience I will need to have under my belt to feel fully ready for the start of a new one. It may just be an avoidable stress of the uncertainty, even if it decreases each year. For example, I was just talking to my friends about how I had so much learning to do about the school's systems and procedures that I don't have to relearn and that I can prepare for. With my job, there is a lot of record keeping that overwhelmed me last year that I now have an excitement for!
I am also now used to the second grade behaviors and aspects that I was unfamiliar with after my sixth grade internship. So it feels great to have a little more preparation, both for my own sake but for my colleagues and students as well. But I still can't shake the feeling that I could be doing better or doing more. Once the year starts, there is not a whole lot of time to think or prepare because I am a firm believer in taking care of myself instead of being completely burnt out from my job that I want to love.
Teaching is an odd profession because a lot of the time, you are the only person keeping yourself accountable. Sure, principals come around for observations and other educators will support you when you ask for help, but there could be days, or even weeks, that pass and if you put on a face like you know what you are doing, everyone will just trust that. In some ways, I enjoy the independence and confidence that they have in me but it also terrifies me. Students, at any age but specifically the younger ones, really do get shaped by their teachers.
So there's always a voice in my head that is wondering if I am really helping my students achieve their individual goals as well as the state standards. If my past self taught me anything last year, it's to prepare more than you think, be consistently firm with expectations, be true to myself and be grateful for what I have. My friend and recent podcast guest, Kendall, and I were just chatting about how the coteaching position I was offered last year and will be continuing is truly the best of both worlds.
I have learned that special education is truly where I thrive as a teacher and encourages me to feel more confident in my abilities. Full-class instruction is fun and I thought I had the endurance to do it all day every day but it doesn't fit my style. I prefer to check in with students and meet them where they are at. That's just not possible when you have 18 or more pairs of eyes staring you down, eagerly waiting for the next direction. So, that's where my small groups come in handy. It's more of a discussion and has a flexible pace that I (and my students) love.
When I first accepted the coteaching role, I never knew just how much I was going to enjoy the balance of the position. It is still something our district is trying to master and I definitely didn't do everything perfectly but I can see the potential. Just like in a student that may have a glimpse of understanding in a concept, I feel like I see the light at the end of the tunnel with coteaching. It's not easy, it's not natural, it definitely has its difficulties, but when it works, it REALLY works. So, to sum up all of that, I am happy. Happy for a restful (yet productive) summer and happy for what's ahead!