Almost to the Finish Line!
I continue to remind myself that it's unlikely to get along with everyone that I work with and I don't necessarily have to best friends with them all but what really digs under my skin is the lack of respect and trust. And to make matters worse, the person who seems to question my philosophy and methodology is the one who I am supposed to work closest with. We were both handed a very overwhelming class full of students that require lots of support and guidance to navigate through academic and social tasks. And due to factors out of my control, I became less and less involved with the class and had to be spread elsewhere.
My reputation has been growing in a positive way ever since I started but now it's less about how I am viewed initially but more about how to maintain the reputation I have worked hard to get. So when I am asked to take on another student (or in this case, four more), I feel like no isn't an option. I am not sure when I will finally have the courage to say no and stick up for myself but I do still have faith that all of the hard work and flexibility I truly strive to put out into the world will be all worth it.
So, back to the lack of trust thing. I want to make it very clear that I understand that teaching is a very individual profession and it's impossible to get along with everyone. However, when faced with differences (both with students and colleagues), it's crucial to remain professional and optimistic. One of my best friends and I disagree with this very situation but in my opinion, that even if you may not get along with someone, the best thing to do is act like nothing is wrong and be nice to their face. My friend says it's unhealthy and unfair to "fake" being nice and be truthful with how you feel.
What's odd about the colleague I have been having conflicts with is that she is doing exactly what I do, act like everything is fine and remain polite but deep down, I know that she views me differently. I can't quite put my finger on it and it could be my brain overthinking like it tends to do but I always get the sene that she uses her experience and confidence as an excuse to make all the decisions without a second thought of my perspective. She always seems to focus on the negative or create problems that aren't even there.
Despite the colleague conflict, I am also struggling with keeping the behaviors of some of my students under control. Even with two years of teaching under my belt, my difficulty has stayed the same since my student teaching days. Finding the balance between wanting the students to enjoy working with me while also having them respect me and listen to my expectations. I am slowly but surely gaining the confidence to be stern with the students that become disobedient but even that doesn't always work. I have had many instances where I am practically yelling at the student and they completely disregard what I am saying and continue to misbehave. Another lesson that I have learned is that consistency is crucial for young minds and I have seen that first-hand but I also view it important to make learning fun and engaging.
So, to say the least, I am more than excited to have five and a half days left of this year so I can take a step back and reflect on how to improve for the next! Thankfully, I mustered up the courage to talk to my principal about not continuing coteaching since it hasn't been successful which will help me start off on a high note! I also have a lot to look forward to this summer, both with my summer tutoring and my Florida getaway. It's definitely time for all of us to relax and unwind after 180 days of stress and I couldn't be more excited!