A Lot on my Mind
The biggest weight on my shoulders has to do with my car. For the last couple of years, I have been driving around an almost-twenty year old car that was originally my father's that then passed down to my two brothers and then to me. Everyone tells me that it's dependable and can last longer than I am imagining but I have been searching for a new car recently. And to clarify, by new I mean a used car that may not be perfect but is at least an upgrade and doesn't have any large issues. Currently, my car makes an awful, rumbling sound anytime I try to accelerate and I am getting nervous of how much longer it will last.
So, this weekend I went to test drive a car and I loved it. The price was reasonable and I saw (and heard) no flaws but of course, I made a mistake. I fell into the trap of the salesman and signed to pay for a five year warranty that I truly don't need. On the bright side, I didn't pay for the car yet and there's a chance I can back out of the cost but as of right now, I am still waiting to hear back from the car salesman. It may be solved easily and I will go back to feeling excited and thankful for my new car!
In other news, I am now adding two students to my caseload that were actually my students last year. I, of course, love all students and am very patient with them as they learn in their own unique ways HOWEVER they require a lot of time, energy and attention. Not to mention that I have my other 7 students that are already using up most of my energy and I won't be able to support the class as a whole because I will be with these two third graders for 90 minutes every day. My principal and their past teacher assured me that they want to help me with this transition but it still feels like all of the pressure is on my shoulders. It's going to take some getting used to and I am nervous that I won't be able to be my best going forward.
One last thing I will mention is the constant state of feeling like I am not making enough money and will never have a stable savings account. I have been staying afloat for the last few years while living on my own but eventually, I am going to have a family and other expenses. Although it's still in the distant future, that also concerns me as I don't have any solid plans for what's ahead. Things are going well, I like my job and colleagues but it does get very stressful and I don't know how sustainable it is. I have been making awesome connections in my theater company and received many compliments but where will that lead me?
Well I am nearing the end of my rambles and I still feel a little overwhelmed. I think it's a step in the right direction that I am recognizing my stress but I am still working on how to reduce it. I am trying to get myself to take a personal day to just relax and not think about everything for a while or maybe start a dating app or travel to Las Vegas but those all have stressful factors too. As always, I am still happy and grateful for what life has given me and I couldn't be more excited in about 12 days, I will be on my way to my family for Christmas. It will provide me time to just recharge and ignore life for a while which I think is needed every once in a while! See you in 2024!